Though I have some challenges on the horizon, today started out great. I jotted down my plan for the day in my 5 Second Journal. I stayed on task and refrained from multi-tasking (something I recently understood to have a negative effect on my focus). I marked each task as I completed it - and moved additional tasks to tomorrow's list. I took a break and walked our dog. I took lunch with our daughters, and actually stopped working without feeling guilty about it.
Then the late afternoon took a turn. I received an email, that turned into a conversation. That turned into two more conversations. The disappointment of not being where I want to be financially, and professionally took over my whole psyche. And like a room full of dominos collapsing one by one, taking every ounce of positivity with it...I lost my confidence. I called the airline to cancel my trip for next week. "It would be better this way", I told myself. Of course canceling this trip would entail me calling my Dad, my son, one of my best friends... I had made plans with each of them for this trip.
While I was on hold with the airline, I spoke to my Dad. When I mentioned to him, that I thought I was panicking... He shared with me in that moment that he too suffers from this domino effect.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. This domino effect crushes my soul, brings tears to my eyes, and makes me want to crawl into bed.
But I pushed through. I pushed through and within the hour, I received a message from one of my daughter's that was enlightening, then my husband's relentless support and encouragement...slapped me in the face, because he deals with me pushing back at him when I am in this mode, and he doesn't give up on me.
And then I received a text message from a dear friend. One that brought tears to my eyes and made me realize I need to share these moments with you.
We are all in different stages. Baby steps. Our steps. Our journey.
I reminded myself: Do not compare your steps or your stages or your journey to others, unless to support someone else. DO NOT use it to tear yourself down. Words I need to remember.
By the way, I did not cancel my trip. I will be in LA next Thursday and Idaho Friday-Sunday.
Mental health is a struggle. But with support & sprinkles of therapy, it makes it manageable.
You never know what your kind words can do for someone else, let alone your own soul! :D
Link to Painting by: Manami Lingerfelt Titled: It's Okay | It's okay not to be okay.
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